Ola,

Today marks two months in Brazil. Emotionally, I think this has been my most difficult week here. Last Saturday, my cousin got married. I knew when I left for Brazil that I would be missing the wedding, but I wasn't expecting to feel so sad and lonely knowing all my family was together and I was here by myself. On Wednesday a close friend had a heart attack and today my family was throwing a baby shower to celebrate my first nephew. I felt very sad to not be there for both the good and bad moments for people I love dearly. Additionally, communication was not very good this week. I would try and talk to my family and friends, but the signal would drop out repeatedly, if it worked at all, and when I had a signal timing wasn't good. I was feeling like God was very far. Although I was having my quiet time, I felt like I didn't know how to pray, what to ask for. But God is faithful and spoke to my heart exactly in the moments I needed it the most. A friend had sent me a texted that I saved, so I can reread it, and I'd like to share it below. I hope it can be an encouragement to someone else as well.  I think that I am supposed to be learning that God alone is enough. I have known that in my head for a long time, but here I am experiencing it. It's easy to say God is enough when you also have an abundance of other relationships and things to turn to or fall back on. But what if God is all you have? Is he enough then? Here, I have no friends, no family, no money, little control over where I go and how I get there or what I eat and when I can eat it. I can't pick up a phone anywhere at any time and just text or call or Facebook. I am bound by locations with good wifi and different time zones. But I always have God and he is in control of everything. One cool moment I had was when the wifi was out. Without wifi there is no tv or telephone. That means I can't text or call anyone. My cell phone is supposed to cover free international texting, but up until this point it has not worked at all. One person, I can't contact even when on wifi has been my father. It always fails to send the message. So I talk to him when he is with another family member. But on this one night that we had no wifi, I was lying in bed and praying about feeling alone, and at that exact moment, a text can through from my dad. I couldn't talk to anyone else, but the one person I can never talk to was able to text back and forth.  I was so appreciative of that conversation. I am also appreciative of knowing you guys pray for me, even if I sometimes feel alone, I'm not. Thank you.

At the school, the students have been studying citizenship this year. This Friday was their culminating project. The older students decorated the school with posters and artwork they had made. The younger students had each learned a song that they would sing at a parent assembly. Every day we wear jeans, sneakers, and a polo shirt or a t-shirt from our church English camps. On this day, we were supposed to wear a T-shirt that said citizenship. Now I have been here long enough to know that parents use these events to get very dressed up. You will never see a parent in Nike sweatpants and baseball cap at a school function. So I made sure to wear jewelry and makeup but still had the standard jeans and t-shirt. I was so underdressed. The teachers use this assembly as an event to dress up too, even though they are wearing a citizenship t-shirt they wore leather pants, stilettos heels, lots of makeup and lots of big jewelry. They decorate the stage with a painted backdrop. Each class parades in with their teacher and poses in front of the backdrop for a photo shoot. Then after all the classes have finished the photo-op the assembly starts. After the assembly, there is a photobooth with flowers and bird cages so parents can now take individual pics with their kids. There were popsicles, puddings, and coxinhas for sale.  As soon as all the parents left the teachers kicked off their stilettos and returned to normal shoes, but the kids just had recess for the rest of the morning. I think it is funny how in America teachers look for any opportunity we can to be allowed to wear jeans and comfortable shoes. Here they look for any opportunity they can to wear very uncomfortable shoes. 

Text from my Friend:

"Good morning! ️ Was reading my “jesus calling” app this morning before I get in my bible and am thinking and praying for you in a foreign land. Here it is. ️️

I AM ALWAYS AVAILABLE TO YOU. Once you have trusted Me as your Savior, I never distance Myself from you. Sometimes you may feel distant from Me. Recognize that as feeling; do not confuse it with reality. The Bible is full of My promises to be with you always. As I assured Jacob, when he was journeying away from home into unknown places, I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. After My resurrection, I made this promise to My followers: Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. Let these assurances of My continual Presence fill you with Joy and Peace. No matter what you may lose in this life, you can never lose your relationship with Me.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
—Isaiah 54:10

“I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”
—Genesis 28:15

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
—Matthew 28:19–20"

a vocabulary word of the week is origami, so we made some origami butterflies

Happy birthday Carpina

My 6 week stats

46 the number of days I’ve been in Brazil 
81 the number of kids I teach
8/10 of a mile my daily commute 
1/2 a tube the amount of toothpaste I’ve used
44 number of days I’ve eaten cake
9 hours, length of my work day
7 minutes, the length of time my shower stays hot
6 weeks, how long ago my mother mailed me a letter
0 the mail I have received 
5 dollars, the cost of a pedicure 
6 dollars, the current price for a gallon of gas
3 the number of hours one load of wash takes
8 the number of monkeys the neighbor feeds on our adjoining wall, causing John angst
5:17 the time the sunsets here
3 the number of planets I can identify (There are 4 but I can’t find Venus)

We eat cake everyday. How can life not be wonderful, when there is cake every day?

One Month 🇧🇷

Today marks one month of my life in Brazil.

The longer I am here the more clearly I see how Brazil is a land of opposites. Extreme beauty brushing shoulders with extreme poverty. Pet dogs bathed daily with fancy collars and t-shirts (they even sell meat flavored wine here to celebrate with your pooch) living in gated communities. Pathetic strays with ribs jutting out and open sores festering, waiting just outside that same gated community. Even the “rules” I have been given seem to contradict themselves. When offered food always accept. Never eat food unless you know how it was cleaned and prepared. Always look up when walking: know who is in front of you and who is behind you, pay attention to what they are doing- always look up.  Always look down when walking: pay attention to places where snakes camouflage in the road and scorpions borrow- always look down. In a place where contradictions are so blatant, it is such a blessing to have a God is constant and sovereign, a God who sees the poverty and the strays and is moved with compassion.

In my personal life, I have been working through the struggle of losing my independence. I have been meditating on Psalms 46 and in my devotional time this week I have been meditating on Matthew 16:25, “For whoever would save his life shall lose it: and whoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Before I thought the verse meant that if you give your life to Christ you gain eternal life. And, yes that is true, but I have been gaining a better understanding of how much deeper the message is. Giving my life may be something as simple- and as difficult- as giving up my right to do my own grocery shopping. Grocery shopping is probably one of the chores I most detest. Yet, when I came to Brazil and needed to rely on someone else doing that for me, it was hard for me to let go. But this week I began to release control. I think of it  like the Brazil version of Amazon- text John a picture of the shampoo you like and he will bring you home something similar within a few days. Amazon is a great thing, and the Brazil version is an acceptable second choice. This past week I also read Corrie Ten Boom’s autobiography The Hiding Place. Her testament and her faith was inspiring and caused me to ask myself hard questions and regain my focus.

Anna is very excited. She approached the principal of a local public school about starting Bible classes there. He was very excited to have her come. He said he was Catholic but didn’t understand the Bible and though it was wonderful she wanted to teach children how to understand the Bible. The school is tiny. Grades k-6. 60 students from a very poor community. The school has been robbed three times this year and vandalized. The state doesn’t mow the lawn so they can’t play outside because of the dangers in the tall grass. Please be praying for the school, the principal, Anna, and the students. I am hoping that maybe my schedule after the New Year will allow me to go with Anna. I would like to see first hand what a public school in Brazil is like and I would love to be part of sharing Christ with the children there.

In September, Anna and I are going to start a Bible study together. We go to church a lot, but all the messages are in Portuguese. Even though I am studying my Bible on my own and streaming Fellowships Sunday services, it is important to have someone to study with.

It’s hard making friends or meaningful connections when I can’t communicate more than pleasantries. I am a little frustrated. I spent this past year taking online classes daily and being tutored by Anna for an hour and a half every week. I was hoping to be more fluent than I am. Some days an entire day goes by without me having a single real adult conversation. The closest thing would be talking to Isaac about Pokemon, which is almost like a foreign language. I registered for online classes again and will start them on Monday. I am hoping it will help.

Thank you for your continued prayers,

Rachael

3 weeks in 🇧🇷 Brazil

Today marks three weeks of my life in Brazil.  Sometimes I feel like I just got here and am settling in and other times I feel like I have been away from home forever and can't wait to get back.

I have gotten accustomed to the wildlife here and no longer are bothered by new sounds in the night. The latest creature was a five-foot snake in the street. The gatekeeper killed him and then hung him by a tree so people could hold it and get their photo taken. Every time I look at the difference between my facial expression and my friend Anna's I laugh. I am thinking, no thanks I don't need to hold a dead, bloody, possibly poisonous snake. She was very excited about this photo opportunity.

I enjoy my days at the school. Children and teachers everywhere are the same and so I feel like I am in my element there, it is safe and familiar, even if I can't speak the language well.

Things in Brazil continue to amaze my American mind. Some examples: For anything you turn on here, red means on and green, means off, which confused me for quite some time. The streets in our development are not paved. They are littered with potholes and bricks. It is very much like driving through a construction site. However, someone thought it is a good idea to put in cement speed bumps. So they are in the process of doing this, and instead of using traffic cones to prevent you from driving over the newly poured speed bumps they just drag tree trunks out into the road (note: They do have traffic cones. I have seen them stacked at the front gate). These trees are difficult to see at night. Driving here is definitely a hazard to your health. I drove the kids too and from school this past week. Other teachers seem overly amazed that I was "learning" to drive. I didn't know that most women, especially single women, don't drive here. It cost about $1000 to get your license and that is an expense most people just can't afford.

Praises for God’s faithfulness this week: 1)John Snow (the family I’m staying with) officially became a Brazilian citizen which now enables him to do things like shop at Sam's club, make an income, and get health care. 2)The kids were able to get their social security numbers, which was not easy to do. They also need these numbers to get health care. They have filed the application for the healthcare and hopefully, the kids will be approved for a student discount. You can pray for that as it will be significant savings. 3) Earlier in the week, the value of the dollar increased to 4 reals. This is bad for Brazil's economy but good for those of us living in on the American dollar. John stays on top of this and does things like fill the cars with gas and bulk shop using a US credit card to get the best rate. 4) Not a single day has gone by that someone has not given me a piece of chocolate cake.

My personal praise is for Anna. She takes such good care of everybody. She spends many of her days waiting in lines at government offices- think hot DMV- often to be told to come back with more paperwork or different paperwork. She goes to the fruit market for us regularly and then comes home and spends a long time soaking and scrubbing everything with vinegar so that it is safe to eat. I have never asked her to buy anything, but she always makes sure to pick up things she has noticed I like. When I had to leave for work and the washer wasn't finished, she hung all my clothes out, and when I didn't make it home by sunset, she took all my clothes off the line and folded them.

Prayer requests: 1)This coming weekend is a big church planting conference. Ying Kai a missionary to Asia and some other church planting pastors are coming to speak and train. They are expecting a big turn out and hope many of the local pastors attend because when they plant a church they like to partner it with an existing church. 2) Deborah is trying to manage to learn to read in two different languages. Please that God will open up the barriers in her mind and allow her to have and celebrate successes. 3) I am struggling with my lack of independence. I feel like a child. I have to depend on others for everything from to take me to and from school to food shopping for me. And because it gets dark here so early, I often feel trapped inside. A friend had sent me a message and suggested I get a hobby. When I first read the message my thought was, I don't want a hobby. I want my life back. The life where Amazon delivers anything I want in two days. The life where I walk the beach every morning and watch the sunset over the bay each night. The life where laundry takes a half hour, not a whole day.  And as I was thinking those thoughts, I Corinthians came to mind-"You were not your own, for you have been bought with a price. So glory God in your body." I know this is where God wants me to be, and every day he has been faithful. Every night I go to bed having been fed, clean, healthy, safe, and comfortable. I have been blessed with a space that is my own.

I remember a message Pastor Phil preached many years ago on the Lord's prayer and how he said that as Americans we often don't fully understand the part, "give us this day our daily bread," how things are so easy for us we forget to lean on God for daily provision. I think that is what I am learning here, to truly lean into God moment by moment. I never use to pray when getting into a car unless the roads were icy or it was a long road trip. I pray for God's protection everytime we get in a car here. Although I would thank God for my food at home, I have truly developed a new attitude of thankfulness for having food I enjoy available. Yesterday I had mashed potatoes instead of rice for the first time. I was so grateful for mashed potatoes.  I also think I am growing to be more like Christ in the way I react to others. I am very conscious of the fact that I represent Fellowship. When I was in the airport and the worker was so mean to me over a mistake that the airline had made I consciously chose to walk away instead of saying the things going through my mind because I knew I represented Fellowship. Also while here, there have been a few instances where people have just been rude. The man who opened the door to the refrigerator section in the food store and sat in it to stay cool while he was on the phone. Well, I needed an item that he was blocking and he refused to move. In my head, I was thinking I have enough Portuguese skills to ask him what his problem is, but then I didn't because I represent our church and the school. That is when it occurred to me, isn't even more important that I represent Christ. How many times in the past did I not choose to walk away or speak with kindness because I didn't take that responsibility as seriously as I should have?

Love Rachael

Brazilian Independence Day

Brazilian Fruit Market

Week one Brazil

Olá,

Yesterday marks the completion of my first week in Brazil. It’s been a busy week filled with new faces, new foods, and new challenges, but God has been faithful in providing what I need just when I need it.

The Snow’s are very welcoming and have provided me with a very nice space of my own. The view out my window is beautiful and each morning I wake to sunshine and singing birds.

There is a lot of wildlife here. When I arrived at the house from the airport I was greeted by a tarantula on the front steps. There are large bats, little monkeys, lizards of varying sizes, scorpions, beautiful birds, and a frog the size of a dinner plate. Although I enjoy seeing the wildlife outdoors, I was less enthused by the giant spider in my bedroom and hearing bats screeching at night. I’m starting to get used to the new sounds and slept soundly the last two nights.

Water is such a precious gift. We take it for granted in the United States and so much of the world has limited access to drinkable water. Here, in our development, we are blessed to have a well. This means the water is safe enough to brush our teeth with, but still not able to be used for drinking. Although well water is a blessing, it brings with it its own set of challenges. The house has a cistern. Twice a day when the water table rises water will pump from the well to fill the cistern. However, if you use all the water in the cistern you are without water until it fills again. This makes conserving water very important. You can’t just run the sink on full blast while washing dishes. You can’t take excessively long showers and need to time laundry accordingly. There is no such thing as hot water.

Life in Brazil is more difficult than life in America. Doing Laundry here is a time-consuming task. It takes about three hours for a load of laundry to wash. You need to get up early enough to have the wash done in time to hang before work because it has to be dry by sunset when the bugs and bats come out. I am used to my jumbo washer that washes three loads of clothes in 30 minutes. We are spoiled in America.

Life in Brazil is expensive. Not only do we have to buy drinkable water, the price of basic necessities is outrageous. For example, a bottle of Tide laundry detergent costs $45 dollars. Gas is expensive. Things like baggies and paper towels are expensive. There are, however, other things that are more accessible.

Food in Brazil is incredible. Fresh fruit is always available, and it tastes juicer and sweeter than it does at home. There are different fruits here and so far I have enjoyed them all. Although I’m sure I will eventually miss some of our fruit specialties like blueberries. There also seems to be a lot of cake here. I have tried every new food I have been offered and so far haven’t found anything I didn’t like. I eat lunch at the school each day. It is a delicious home cooked meat that includes juice,  a salad, a fruit, rice, beans, a vegetable, the main food like chicken, fish, or beef, and a dessert.

This past week the school days were very long. I would get there at 7 and not leave until 4, but now that I have my class schedule and had the week to observe everything, Annapaula is going to drop me off and pick me up at different times.

The things I miss the most: 1) My Family and friends, but I thank God for the ability to FaceTime and be able to talk with them almost every day. I know some people don’t have that privilege. 2) Hot water, You know when you take a shower and someone flushed a toilet and for an instant, you get burnt. I would give almost anything for that kind of shower. I miss hot water very much. I think that is the hardest thing about living here, but I am grateful to have my own bathroom and have a well and access to drinkable water..3) My independence, It’s hard having to rely on other people to take you places.

God’s Faithfulness: 1)
God has placed people in my path to help me with things exactly when I need them. Especially, my prayer partners. It really helps me when I get that message from people saying they just prayed for me. 2) Annapaula has been a gift to me. She has so much on her own plate but always makes sure I feel comfortable even to the point of buying me snacks for my school day. 3) I am so grateful I can still connect to Fellowship through the streaming and videos. It helps me still feel part of our church and still get fed spiritually. 4) This week I have been wishing I packed somethings that I left at home (not that my 49-pound suitcase could hold anymore). When I plan lessons I can’t help but think of all the resources available to me at home. Then last night, all the women from the local churches came over with food and gifts for Annapaula. We had a devotional time together. Although I didn’t understand the conversation, I knew the passage in Matthew 6 that it talks about God will meet all of our needs. Then this morning my quiet time passage was Philippians 4 "But My God shall supply all your need." God is teaching me that he will meet all my needs, and maybe I need less than I thought I did.

My Brazilian School Day

Which Way?

It was a cold winter day, much like the days the Northeast is experiencing right now. The kind of day where the air hurts your face, where you can see your breath materialize into a little, frozen cloud before disappearing. The kind of day where you fear you may literally freeze to death just walking from the car to your destination. In the interest of giving my sister some "me" time and getting the kids out of the house, I made plans to take my four-year-old niece and her little friend to the please touch museum. Not being a mom myself, I sometimes forget to account for all the things I will need to carry. At the museum, this included easily accessible tissues, because in cold weather everything freezes but the incessant running nose, hand wipes because we all know, "please touch" really means, "please spread your communicable diseases," water bottles, and the map.  I didn't have enough hands to hold onto the littles and lead them through the maze of people the way I would want to.

So the solution was, they held each other's hands and walked in front of me. From behind, I could see the whole picture: the kids, where we were headed, and the best route to get there. They couldn't see me. They had to watch where they were walking, but they could hear my voice. I would tell them when to wait, when to turn, and which way to go. As long as they followed my commands, we all safely made it to our next fun filled (germ- covered) exhibit. Occasionally, excitement would get the best of them when they would catch a glimpse of something fascinating, and they would run ahead, often ending up at the exit, instead of the entrance of the exhibit.  As long as they listened to my voice, they were on the right path.

Isaiah 30:21 says, " And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it, " when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left."

I use to struggle with this verse. It bothered me that God was behind me telling me which way to go. I wanted him to be in front of me. I want to see him. I want him to take the first steps, to turn first in case there is something hard or scary in my path. After all, isn't that how he can protect me and my heart? But this past year, I have been learning a lot about what it means to step out in faith. I can't look backward. I need to look forward to where God is leading me, but that doesn't mean he isn't there. I don't need to see the whole route, I just need to follow each step in faith. I don't need to worry about what is after each turn because he isn't just holding the map and seeing the big picture, he made the map and he has my best interests at heart. There may be something hard or scary on my path, but it doesn't mean that is the wrong way. God has also already gone before me. Pondering this verse made brought to mind the trip to the museum, and I gained a new understanding of what God is teaching me.

For Christmas, my sister gave me a beautiful necklace. It is a compass and on the back, it is engraved with Isaiah 30:21. It is to remind me that in 2018, I only need to follow his voice. He knows the direction I should go. He knows what way you should go too. So stop looking backward, that is when you bump into things that trip you up. Look forward, and take one step at a time. And when I am looking backward, help a girl out and remind me to look forward too. Happy New Year. Love and prayers.

The Gift of Time

Isn’t it mind-boggling how a single smell or song can take you back decades, to a specific moment in time. I have read that you can use your sense of hearing to aid in memorization. As you are trying to learn something you should repeat it, then ring a bell. Apparently associating the new concept with the sound will help solidify it in your mind. Maybe, as I practice Portuguese I should try it and let you know if it works.

For me, the smells and tastes of Thanksgiving often bring me back to a specific painful moment in time. I lost grandmother at Thanksgiving, and although aí have so much to be thankful and Thanksgiving is a wonderful thing, all the smells, tastes, sounds, and routines are the same year after year. Inevitably, something will trigger those distant memories and emotions.

I remember that morning in chunks. My mom was cooking dinner. My aunt met me at the house. My mom asked my aunt how to make the gravy just right, she said she could never get it on her own and my grandmother wasn’t there to help. My aunt detailed the steps to make perfect gravy. Then, the two of us went to the hospital to sit with my grandmother. My family would tell you that it all happened so fast and that it was unexpected. The doctors said she would be home. They thought of sharing Thanksgiving leftovers. But inside I knew that was not the case. As I sat with her that day, holding her hand, I knew with certainty in my heart the Thanksgiving meal served in the hospital would be the last meal we would ever share together. Nobody ate it. Not only did I know that was the last Thanksgiving, I knew the doctors were wrong, that it was our last moments together- ever. I am so grateful for those moments. I am sure most of you can relate with memories of losses that are your own. And although those memories are sad ones, I am so grateful for those moments. Being able to hold someone’s hand as they take their last inhale here and exhale in eternity is a gift. It is more painful then words can accurately describe, but a gift all the same. It was in that moment that I finally understood what God meant in Romans when he said that the spirit makes intercession for us because in that moment I didn’t know what words to pray. It is in that moment that the soul inside of you becomes a physical weight so heavy you have no choice but to lean into God and let him hold you up. Psalms 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit.”It is that moment that  teaches you to truly appreciate every single breath of another being, down to the very last one.

I have many beautiful members of a lifetime with my grandmother, but on Thanksgiving my senses tend to take me back to that moment of a goodbye and even after all these years my heart will feel a very distinct ache. So this Thanksgiving, I encourage you, be thankful for time. Don’t just be thankful for the time you have, but be thankful for the time others choose to invest in you. You can never get time back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. So when someone chooses to use their time to invest in you, appreciate that. It is more precious than any monetary gift. Respect other’s time. Don’t demand teachers meet you outside their workday and when they give up their family time to meet you speak to them in an unkind way. Don’t go to the express, 10 items, lane with 22 items in your cart. Don’t say you will be ready at 7:00 but make your ride wait in the car until 7:45. And above all else, do not ride down the shoulder of the road and last minute try to cut back into the line of traffic that has patiently awaited their turn. On the flip side, don’t get all bent out of shape if you feel someone is not respecting your time. You are right where you are meant to be so, don’t waste your time grumbling and complaining. Look for the way you are meant to use that time. Use that meeting time to show love and grace; use those extra moments in the express line to thank God for providing the food and money you are spending, and as you wait in the car for your friend who is perpetually late, pray for those in the houses around you, who knows the hurts hidden behind those closed doors. Your prayers can make a difference. Take time to invest in others. Psalms 90:12 “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, that we may can a heart of wisdom.”


This Thanksgiving I have so much to be grateful for. I am thankful for the time others have invested in me, praying for me and with me, encouraging me to grow and step out in faith. I am thankful for the time spent with those I love, for miraculous healing of my friend who had stomach cancer, and for new friends who have entered my life. I am thankful for a job I love that is allowing me to take time off to teach in Brazil, and I am especially for the gift of life.

This Thanksgiving God has given our family a special gift to be thankful for. As the familiar smells and conversation about less than perfect gravy occur, we will not be dreadful awaiting a last goodbye. My cell phone will still be within a fingertip's reach, but I will be awaiting for the news that a baby has arrived. My cousin Ashleigh grew up around the corner from me for most of my childhood and even lived with us for a period of time. She has always been like a second little sister. This Thanksgiving she is having a baby. I have prayed for her and this baby over the past 9 months and anxiously await his arrival. So this year the smells and tastes and sounds will be linked with memories of excitement and eager anticipation has a new breath of life is taken.

Happy Thanksgiving Psalms 9:1 “ I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.”

Not a Superhero

Introduction

As a person, who tends to keep my thoughts and feeling neatly tucked away, to be shared only with those closest to my heart, the idea of blogging was not something I have ever considered doing. But lately, I have been feeling inspired to do many things that previously wouldn’t have been my cup of tea, or as they would say in Brazil, “não é minha praia,”  which  literally it means, “it is not my beach.” Doesn’t that sound so much cooler than the tea thing? I think so. I have been learning that when you allow yourself to be open, to be vulnerable and real, other people benefit from your experiences, and you grow as a person. So as I embark on this journey, I want to share it with you, all of it: the real, the honest, the beautiful, and the not so pretty. Welcome to my journey.

Not a Superhero

Do you have those people in your life who you are absolutely certain are secretly superheroes? During the day they look like you and me, but you are certain that hidden in the back of their closets are the standard issued superhero masks and capes. They possess some super-human strength that you and I wish to have but know is unattainable for us mere humans. We are just everyday people, trying to do the best we can and keep our heads above water. When I think of missionaries, that is how I think of them, as superheroes. They are Christians with a stronger faith and superhuman ability to not be frazzled, or afraid, or shaken, or weak. I think of J. from my church, who goes to really dangerous places, but talks about it as if it is as easy as going to Target for things you don’t really need. How does he do that? But most intriguing to me are always the women missionaries. I think as a woman I relate to them better and am even more amazed at their superhero status because I could never do that. When I first started to consider going to Brazil long term, I asked friends to pray for me. While speaking with one friend, she referred to me as a missionary. I remember thinking, I’m not a missionary. I don’t want to be a missionary, that is too much pressure to perfect. I’m not a superhero Christian. I’m just me. I don’t have a hidden cape; I just have a lot of flip-flops.

John and Annapaula are also missionaries from my church. Although we had attended the same church for a long time, I first met John and Annapaula recently,  when I signed up to go on the summer mission trip to Brazil. When our team went to Brazil, John and Annapaula traveled with us. Throughout our time in Brazil and the weeks leading up to our trip, I looked at Annapaula’s life. I was certain she had a superhero cape hidden somewhere. How could she sell most of her belongings and move to a new house every school year? How does she have family on two continents, so no matter where she lives half of her loved ones are half a world away? How did she cart two kids to a new country, traveling over 24 hours straight, navigating four airports and while worrying about them still find time to check on everybody else on the team? How did she translate for all 23 of us, day and night, with little to no sleep, and not be cranky with all of us? Our trip to Brazil was great, but it was physically demanding. From my perspective, everyone was frazzled or stretched to the max at some point- except for Annapaula. She was never shaken, not once. I didn’t see her cape, but I was sure she had one packed in her suitcase somewhere.

 

As the week progressed, I knew that God was laying on my heart to return to Brazil, but I also knew I couldn’t do it. It would be too hard. It wasn’t a realistic idea. I had my list of excuses of why I couldn’t go back: too expensive, too far, I don’t speak Portuguese, I have a good job, my family has always been within a day's driving distance, I like drinking tap water. Basically, foreign travel não é minha praia. I knew I was not a strong enough person to give up all the things that make me feel safe and comfortable to do something requiring me to let go of control. I would have told you that I believed Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But I wasn’t ready to live it. I was only ready to trust God with most things, not everything. There were still things I felt safer controlling myself. Then we came to our last night in Brazil.

On that final night, each person on our team talked about the week from their perspective. When it was Annapaula’s turn to share, she started to cry. I was confused, superheroes do not shed tears. She started to share about how at moments she was overwhelmed by the demands of the week; superheroes don’t get overwhelmed. What was happening? She went on to share that the only way she was able to translate on the ladies night was by God giving her the strength to do so because she didn’t have any of her own. Now maybe I should have been thinking, “If Annapaula can’t maintain superhero status, there is no way I can do it.”  But that is not what I thought at all. In that moment, I  realized that she never had a cape, to begin with. There are no superhero Christians. We can’t build people up in our minds comparing our walk with theirs and use it as an excuse to not step out in faith. There are no capes. We are all weak, scared, and overwhelmed by something, but if we lean into God, he gives the strength we need when we need it. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I think it was at that moment that I realized, maybe I can do this because God’s not looking for superheroes, just willing hearts. 

Conclusion

It still took me another few weeks of analyzing and praying before I could remove the “maybe” from my heart. A good friend aptly said, “You can’t trust God part way. You either trust him or you don’t.”  So how about you? Are you trying to trust God part way? Do you trust with most things but not all things? I encourage you, if God has placed something on your heart, no matter small or how big and scary, take that leap of faith. Trust him all the way. You don’t need a superhero cape, just a willing heart and you will see him use your willing heart to accomplish things you thought only a superhero could do.

Moving to Brazil