Not a Superhero

Introduction

As a person, who tends to keep my thoughts and feeling neatly tucked away, to be shared only with those closest to my heart, the idea of blogging was not something I have ever considered doing. But lately, I have been feeling inspired to do many things that previously wouldn’t have been my cup of tea, or as they would say in Brazil, “não é minha praia,”  which  literally it means, “it is not my beach.” Doesn’t that sound so much cooler than the tea thing? I think so. I have been learning that when you allow yourself to be open, to be vulnerable and real, other people benefit from your experiences, and you grow as a person. So as I embark on this journey, I want to share it with you, all of it: the real, the honest, the beautiful, and the not so pretty. Welcome to my journey.

Not a Superhero

Do you have those people in your life who you are absolutely certain are secretly superheroes? During the day they look like you and me, but you are certain that hidden in the back of their closets are the standard issued superhero masks and capes. They possess some super-human strength that you and I wish to have but know is unattainable for us mere humans. We are just everyday people, trying to do the best we can and keep our heads above water. When I think of missionaries, that is how I think of them, as superheroes. They are Christians with a stronger faith and superhuman ability to not be frazzled, or afraid, or shaken, or weak. I think of J. from my church, who goes to really dangerous places, but talks about it as if it is as easy as going to Target for things you don’t really need. How does he do that? But most intriguing to me are always the women missionaries. I think as a woman I relate to them better and am even more amazed at their superhero status because I could never do that. When I first started to consider going to Brazil long term, I asked friends to pray for me. While speaking with one friend, she referred to me as a missionary. I remember thinking, I’m not a missionary. I don’t want to be a missionary, that is too much pressure to perfect. I’m not a superhero Christian. I’m just me. I don’t have a hidden cape; I just have a lot of flip-flops.

John and Annapaula are also missionaries from my church. Although we had attended the same church for a long time, I first met John and Annapaula recently,  when I signed up to go on the summer mission trip to Brazil. When our team went to Brazil, John and Annapaula traveled with us. Throughout our time in Brazil and the weeks leading up to our trip, I looked at Annapaula’s life. I was certain she had a superhero cape hidden somewhere. How could she sell most of her belongings and move to a new house every school year? How does she have family on two continents, so no matter where she lives half of her loved ones are half a world away? How did she cart two kids to a new country, traveling over 24 hours straight, navigating four airports and while worrying about them still find time to check on everybody else on the team? How did she translate for all 23 of us, day and night, with little to no sleep, and not be cranky with all of us? Our trip to Brazil was great, but it was physically demanding. From my perspective, everyone was frazzled or stretched to the max at some point- except for Annapaula. She was never shaken, not once. I didn’t see her cape, but I was sure she had one packed in her suitcase somewhere.

 

As the week progressed, I knew that God was laying on my heart to return to Brazil, but I also knew I couldn’t do it. It would be too hard. It wasn’t a realistic idea. I had my list of excuses of why I couldn’t go back: too expensive, too far, I don’t speak Portuguese, I have a good job, my family has always been within a day's driving distance, I like drinking tap water. Basically, foreign travel não é minha praia. I knew I was not a strong enough person to give up all the things that make me feel safe and comfortable to do something requiring me to let go of control. I would have told you that I believed Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But I wasn’t ready to live it. I was only ready to trust God with most things, not everything. There were still things I felt safer controlling myself. Then we came to our last night in Brazil.

On that final night, each person on our team talked about the week from their perspective. When it was Annapaula’s turn to share, she started to cry. I was confused, superheroes do not shed tears. She started to share about how at moments she was overwhelmed by the demands of the week; superheroes don’t get overwhelmed. What was happening? She went on to share that the only way she was able to translate on the ladies night was by God giving her the strength to do so because she didn’t have any of her own. Now maybe I should have been thinking, “If Annapaula can’t maintain superhero status, there is no way I can do it.”  But that is not what I thought at all. In that moment, I  realized that she never had a cape, to begin with. There are no superhero Christians. We can’t build people up in our minds comparing our walk with theirs and use it as an excuse to not step out in faith. There are no capes. We are all weak, scared, and overwhelmed by something, but if we lean into God, he gives the strength we need when we need it. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I think it was at that moment that I realized, maybe I can do this because God’s not looking for superheroes, just willing hearts. 

Conclusion

It still took me another few weeks of analyzing and praying before I could remove the “maybe” from my heart. A good friend aptly said, “You can’t trust God part way. You either trust him or you don’t.”  So how about you? Are you trying to trust God part way? Do you trust with most things but not all things? I encourage you, if God has placed something on your heart, no matter small or how big and scary, take that leap of faith. Trust him all the way. You don’t need a superhero cape, just a willing heart and you will see him use your willing heart to accomplish things you thought only a superhero could do.